success is only used to measure your faliures [16 Apr 2005|01:39pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | ramblings(myself) ] IM sick----booo I got my brother a birthday gift++++yeah Maggie's sick with me-----mega boo I've been slackin with house cleaning duties and job hunting------hissss I am the most uncomftorable being on the planet because of the stupid pants I have to wear now that my old ones died--boo (get a job you loser) and thats all for now ill measure my incompetence more at a later date CMNT

[06 Apr 2005|03:49pm] I am you and you are love and thats what makes the world go round. CMNT

jobless and hungry well atleast I found that bed [06 Apr 2005|03:40pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | fear before te march of flames ] So im hungry right, and now I am bored I should do stuff but I dont wanna...weird right not work has f'd my schedule all sideways and shit I need a lamp and an alarm clock that's all I need I think...and food Im hungry too hungry maybe nah... CMNT

unlucky boys covered in dirt [02 Apr 2005|06:21pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | new order ] the dirt house is a legacy or should I say the dirt house has a legacy Ive spoke to people who didnt know I lived there about what they "heard" of the dirt house and I was told some pretty disgusting facts/descriptions... and that is no easy task yes at this moment as I type this the dirt house is disgusting not bad but....different, but everyone in the dirt house is used to this life so its hard for us to change well its time to change I dont wanna be just a dirty kid anymore.... I have a better vision for the dirt house then that, Id rather us be like a community of people a tribe so I've quit my job and I will be once again investing my time and my heart back into the dirt...sounds kinda romantic doesnt it.... TO DO 1.bedrooms 2.bathroom 3.bandroom 4.living room 5.the vacant rooms "bury my heart" CMNT

the way it seem's...everything will fall in it's right place...patience is a virtue [24 Mar 2005|04:28pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | the smiths-sing me too sleep ] I called of work last night for the 1st time I was just too spent to go...I really need to either get myself on a steady sleep schedule or learn to work my brain without any...I figured out im gonna put my time and my body back into the dirt house my home...whenever I get paid Im gonna buy stuff for mine and travis' bedrooms and then I will move back in there, as in I will be there always almost, this way the house WILL be improved we WIll clean out the bandroom downstairs that noone even knows about except me and travis and I decided im almost ready to really start a band not right now but I can feel it will be soon...Ive just been putting the whole thing off as cause I didnt know what I wanted from the whole thing...im too moody...and I didnt want to make a totally radically sounding band, but now everything is starting to ring a little clearer in my head...thanks to time...and maggie...she helps me see clearer, and im just realizing this... but then again who knows anymore, nothing is certain and this is really the only thing I know for sure... "I dont wanna be me thats not who I am anymore..." CMNT

hate fills to the brim what will spill hate itself or just the foam, either way the rug is doomed [22 Mar 2005|05:37pm] [ mood | numb ] [ music | the smiths ] I hate everything these days the way I work at night and I feel the weight of the sun as I sleep as I miss my first love... the moon... as I work...and for what, nothing to show yet not in my mind anyways, things have to change soon or my seething will indefinetly become hatred my hatred something worse something deeper a scar the deep kind the kind that still hurts when you bump them on things or when the nights are bitter... and I must confess I have not the ability to hate and love at the same instance so if I am to keep maggie and keep her happy I must find a means to end my personal torment... I hate too many things in my life I want something to die and now I want it to die personally I want to feel the last warmth in its body as life escapes... no im not overdramatic im heavy hearted im unbalanced im impatient im everchanging im a helpless romantic and in the most dramatic sense... "the sound of lonliness makes me happy" READ(1)CMNT

the robot clock hand is only there when the light hits the horizon just right [10 Mar 2005|10:10am] So yeah first real entrie and with this entrie I will depict two days in my life well 2 to you they are one to me...get off work "Im wide awake its morning" I just survived 81/2hrs of the most mundane I wanna kill myself bs ever, phil gives me a ride home so I wait about 25min for him to finish his work first we drop gibby of at his Aunts he asks "do you wanna go to lorain?" I simply respond sure were off our mission to wake joe phish up tell him to go put in a fucking application at elyria plastics so A. he can have a J-O-B before haydn kills him or hes homeless and B. so we can build up our crew status at ep. we do that at the house I figure out where my blanket went all so long ago there house find out their cat is no longer a kitten and his head wont fit in my mouth. were off again now home not warm maggie home but dirt house smelly cold home. arrive pop in headbangers ball tape oldie watch a lita ford video a ratt video and a crue video live wire. people arrive theres chaos the next 3maybe 4hours are one big camera spin blur to me and I can assure you I was NOT intoxicated but I will describe what I saw. WRESTLING , YOUNG and sickening girl on girl groping , arabs , the city of elyria(bitches), me mooning said city of elyria , them photographing this , glassbottle golfing , sitting , chaos , music playing bad what is it? I change it good music fear before the march of flames , I pass out someone wakes me I address this issue with the newly (to me ATLEAST ) phrase "close the door whore" .... I open my eyes to the most beautiful thing in my life. My brains broke I think she is a machine and I have to kiss her every 10 minutes so she can produce this circle thing , she thinks somethings wrong , I dont know that she doesnt know that Im fucking crazy and think shes a robot. I get depressed because of said girlfriend being a robot , of course I do not tell her this shes a robot , she leaves , goodbye robot girlfriend....I fall asleep for a breif moment ok maybe like 20 mins and the chemicals in my brain equal their selves out and I realize what a crazy fucking as I am. Now I eat my whopper. Fall back asleep. And again I wake up to beauty and this time somethings different shes not a robot. ride with her her moma and sis to giant eagle for a money order so I can pay my credit card bill. The to subway the to her house. me and maggie end up bickering for a bit but we resolve the issue (kinda) and love eachother....I got to work 11pm...8hours for 8hours I made these disk like pieces for respiratory machines and the lady would not I repeat WOULD NOT let me finish my stacks and it was making me so furious I was twitching why would you take an incomplete stack I mean theres 4 not 7!!! that horror ends I arrive nearing the present I opt to come to maggies rather than the dirt house cause of the warmness the ability to pee and shower and wash my stinky ass clothes and then last but never least see maggie and now i will go catch up with these duties til the time when maggie arrives its 10:36am what time is bedtime today?...... READ(1)CMNT

[07 Mar 2005|08:43pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | NONE ] I am you and you are love and thats what makes the world go round. READ(1)CMNT

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